A Turkish gentleman

I never thought a guy would go by the name of "Heidi". And every time I call him "Heidi" I want to chuckle. He was dark with very distinguished looking grey hair. He is constantly busing himself around the mission, cleaning up, tidying up things. With a quick humor and easy manners he can talk quite a bit.

This particular day I got the honor to go with Heidi to young's place and help her with some gardening work. On the way I will get to find out the story behind this Turkish gentleman...

"You would not believe me if you saw me a few months ago! I'm a completely different man right now! I used to sleep right there in the park next to the mission. I was an alcoholic and had to be on bunch of psych drugs. I couldn't walk except with a crutch. But now I can run!"

"Whenever I passes by, your friend, young, she would always come up to pray for me. She would grab me and pray for me ( I can just imagine Young, grabbing people from the road and lay hands on them. she tells me "this is the heart of the Father!"). Then one day, when she prayed for me, I don't know what happened. I just got struck by something and I fell down. The Holy Spirit just hit me and I didn't know where I was. Ever since then, life changed completely for me. I used to not be able to sleep at night, unless I took drugs. and one night I just prayed for myself and decided that the Lord would heal me. I have not taken drugs in ages and I sleep very well at night. One day I wanted to go to church, but my legs are weak and in pain. So I told my legs, 'legs, you are going to take me to church today!' oh man, i couldn't catch up with them on the way to church."

Heidi wanted to tell everyone about Jesus, especially all his family in Turkey. It was amazing sitting with this brother, basking in the incredible grace of our Father. I cannot describe that heavenly feeling. Deep down inside, I'm praying for my family. I'm asking the Lord that they too will know the height and the depth of His redeeming love.

By Faith and sight?

I took a bus yesterday from Toronto to NYC. Arrived in the evening. I had really felt the Lord showing me NYC(and a very surprising msg about Kansas City) during this trip and wondered if I was supposed to stay in NYC. I went and looked up housing in the city and found this room in Brooklyn for sublease to the end of July for about $600 + utilities. This is a very reasonable price for the city. I was trying to make all the arrangements but was not able to find a place to stay in the city for the night. I was really puzzled and stopped at time square to pray. Part of me wanted to stay in the city by faith and see what happens and part of me just want to go back to Philly to rest. I didn't know what I should really do. I don't know if you guys ever had this dilemma. It happens quite a bit to me after I started to just follow Him and learn to live totally by faith, cause I don't want to just make my own arrangements for personal security, but yet there is a certain amount of security that I realize I still need. In any case I walked to time square and sat down. I felt peace in my heart the whole way, so unlike what I felt before walking in this city. I felt like I should make my way to the bus station to catch the bus to Philly. I told the Lord if I received some phone calls from anyone in the city offering a place to stay then I would stay, but if not, I will go back to Philly, pray and seek Him and make out here to the city when I feel sure I hear His voice again. Do you think that I have done right? or have I compromised? Anyways, I make out to the bus station, there was no msg for me. But I found a bus ticket I bought for Philly from a previous trip so I used that. As I sat on the bus I started to feel very rested. The truth is I was so exhausted so I fell asleep right away.

I got off the bus and I was standing right in the middle of a crazy part of downtown Philly. It looked so much like the Harlem. I was standing there and the glory of God was there! I can't explain it but the clarity in the air, even though the place is littered with homeless people sleeping and intense looking burly men staring at me. I felt total peace and just the desire to worship Him. He was there with me! I ran into an extremely kind and polite homeless man, sat and shared food with him and some other guy showed up and chatted. Just felt the love of Jesus flowing in our midst. Then went home with auntie Mim.

In a way I'm so glad that I got "home"! oh and what a comfort to be here with auntie Mim. But on the other hand I wonder what would happen if I stayed in NY last night? Have I chosen wisely? What would you do?

Jerusalem

Isaiah 62:1 For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.

I do not know how I miss the central subject of this one of my favorite chapters in the scripture and the numerous other verses that talk about this. But it seems that it pleased Him to take me on a little path of discovery of His passion. I cannot say that I'm head over heels yet but my heart is waking up to this. Right before I left Philly about a week ago, a book arrived in the mail from a good friend of mine I just met at the intercessors gathering. Just holding the book in my hand, I felt a surprising excitement inside. oh I needed to read this on my way to Toronto.

This is a story of a Danish school teacher who was led to this city in the 20's. "Oh Lord, let me see the way you see, think the way you think, and feel just the way you do." Taking in Jewish and Arab orphans on the streets, Lydia lived by faith alone in the Living God. Along the way the Lord showed her His desires for Jerusalem, and made her a pioneer intercessor for Israel. There is no earthly reasons that gives me any affinity towards Jerusalem. But I'm starting to see how Jerusalem, alone, amongst all the cities, is the vortex of the greatest spiritual conflict of these end days. What is happening in the spirit realm will without doubt manifest in the physical.

"If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I do prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy." Psalm 137:5-6

The day I arrived in Toronto, my dear Korean intercessor friend urged me to apply to the school of intercession in Jerusalem and shared about her upcoming trip to Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, Cyprus. A friend of mine from NYC called me up randomly, a lady called to the Jews and we would spend hours on the phone talking about what the Lord is revealing to us about Israel, the current situation and the end time plans of the Lord. On my bus trip back, right across the aisle from me is a Jew. He told me that he applied for one of those free trips back to Israel(because he was a Jew) but he does not think he will get it. But half way through the trip, he looked up to me and said "hey, this is really strange, I just received an email from them and I am accepted!"

Zechariah 12-14, Matthew 23:37-39, the whole book of Isaiah. It's like a whole new world is opened up to me and I feel so small, like a wide-eye child in the concrete jungles of the big apple.

An American Hindu and an African Muslim

After meeting with a friend on Wednesday night, I boarded a bus going from NYC to Philadelphia. This is a beginning of a time of seeking of the Lord for me. For a month in the city I have noticed that I have not looked steadfast to Him and even though I know I'm still in the center of His will. I feel so inadequate to go on unless He clarifies His vision and fills me with a deep passion again. Inadequate also because the primary partnership I have had in the city has been with a brother of mine and that partnership has come under some relational strain. Without a praying partner in this city is for me at this point way overwhelming. Maybe the Lord has a purpose for us all to get out of the city for a while to hear His Voice and be filled with His passion once again.

All I wanted to do on this bus ride was to be quiet and maybe talk to some friends of mine. Nothing too hard right now, please! As if He deliberately ignored me, in came a traveler with bright blue eyes and newspaper-boy hat. "How are you! Do you play guitar?" I honestly told him that my guitar skill is pretty poor. He proceeded to tell me that it is not true and that I'm truly musical. I was really hoping he will not sit next to me! But I was completely ignored, again! He sat right next to me and started talking. Sharing with me with such enthusiasm about the love of music and his spiritual search. He was an American Hindu! We started talking about worship and very soon I was so absorbed into the conversation I had to check myself from talking too much. I could not believe the words that came out of my mouth. I never thought about worship like that less to explore it with such clarity. I was distinctly aware of another person in this conversation and apparently He wanted to teach us both about the meaning of worship, the authority in the spirit realm and the very distinction of God Himself from all the "created beings". I don't know what got into me and for some time wondering if I'm getting too intense again. But whatever it is he is responding to the message and proceeded to tell me the moments when he really felt God. I started imagine all the things I read about in the books - the spirit of God hits him and him weeping and falling to the floor... Nothing like that happened. I was so disappointed!

Then I got off the bus and realized that the train had stopped running so I'd have to get a ride to Auntie Mim's place. After a bit of negotiation I got into this taxi with an African driver. Again I did not want to say anything at all until he persistently asked me what I was doing. The truth is I have not idea what I am doing. I told him that I followed God and travel everywhere. Because he was a Muslim, we started talking about Islam. He was shocked that I knew anything at all about Islam, then asked me why I'm not a Muslim. Why would I ever want to be a Muslim, Jesus is infinitely better than Islam. All you've got to do is get to know Him! He became wide-eyed and almost awed, "you are one of those God people! you know God! oh yes, I know what you are doing now. You know God!" Sometimes I wish I got(or at least remembers) the revelation this guy is somehow getting.

Do you know that God lives in the very inside of us? And He just longs to beam out of us and say hello to the world.

The rest.

Ever since this past weekend of prophetic intercession for America. It seems the Lord is taking me to a different place. a place of rest. can't explain what happened, but all the thoughts of still trying to work and finding places and figuring out what to do here has just temporarily went out the window. I'm at a place of rest, finally. =)

Now I spent all day in quietness, praying, in solitude. Being alone with Him feels really satisfying.

might be leaving for Philly tomorrow. Heading out from NYC for a bit of retreat. Yes, shut me in a cave somewhere!

compelled by love

Reading this book "Tea with Hezbollah" by 2 daring brothers journeying through the middle east in search of responses to the greatest teaching ever given... "but I tell you, love thy enemies and pray for them..". The journey would take them through a war-torn Lebanon to the homes of Muftis, Sheiks, Hezbollah fighters, Hamas and other enemies of state just to shed light on the responses to this most controversial teaching - the very same teaching that brought Jesus to the cross!

Yesterday as I was reading how a phrase the co-author heard on a park bench, "you will love the Arabs" brought him and his wife with 2 young kids to Beirut in the middle of war, I started crying. we have been asking the Lord to speak to us about what we are supposed to be doing here in NYC, where we too are surrounded by Muslims of all origins. What the heck are we doing here?! where are we going? what in the world... In the past days I have been fighting the urge to justify my existence in the very familiar ways of career, marriage, ministry, connections, visions, building His Kingdom one brick at a time... but wait, His Kingdom is not built, it is given, revealed, manifested, accepted, stepped into, by faith, through LOVE. I haven't felt a desire for anything like this in a long time. I'm desperate for a change, of heart.

In the afternoon we ran across the message at Time Square Church, with a preacher from Alabama. He spoke on Job 29. The very passage that spoke about loving the poor, caring for the widows and orphans. And the JOY of the Lord rests on those who will give themselves away. I started to fantasize living in the worst neighborhood and living humbly to serve the people around me. maybe I will live on the streets...hmm, does that mean I will have to cut my hair, get new sets of ragged cloth. I don't know, whatever it takes. Thoughts of grandeur flying across my mind. Then came the voice of my more down-to-earth and get-to-business friend, "should we go prayer walk the neighborhood East Harlem and see what the Lord would have for us?" days ago, the Lord has given him a vision for East harlem - the infamous Spanish Harlem David Wilkerson had frequented in his days. I would love to tell you that I jumped at the suggestion, but thoughts of the poor did not excite me. I'm sorry to report, my heart is very cold and unwilling, my flesh is very weak. But I have made this decision in my heart. I will live love the poor as my Jesus has called me to, and in the process of it I will experience His love like I never experience it before. and little by little He will have my heart, and more and more I will learn to love. until the day when I can give my life away for the worse of my enemies.

Looking for an apartment in East Harlem. some of friends of ours are aparently looking for places to stay also. who knows, we may have a full house before we even find the house! =)

Waiting on the Lord

When the presence of the Lord come near, do you ask, "speak, for your servant is listening"?, do you say, "come near and dwell with me Lord"? I felt a rise of anxiety in my heart, a contention to be productive, to keep it going. but the Lord says, lay down and stay with me a while, because I am who I AM.