An American Hindu and an African Muslim

After meeting with a friend on Wednesday night, I boarded a bus going from NYC to Philadelphia. This is a beginning of a time of seeking of the Lord for me. For a month in the city I have noticed that I have not looked steadfast to Him and even though I know I'm still in the center of His will. I feel so inadequate to go on unless He clarifies His vision and fills me with a deep passion again. Inadequate also because the primary partnership I have had in the city has been with a brother of mine and that partnership has come under some relational strain. Without a praying partner in this city is for me at this point way overwhelming. Maybe the Lord has a purpose for us all to get out of the city for a while to hear His Voice and be filled with His passion once again.

All I wanted to do on this bus ride was to be quiet and maybe talk to some friends of mine. Nothing too hard right now, please! As if He deliberately ignored me, in came a traveler with bright blue eyes and newspaper-boy hat. "How are you! Do you play guitar?" I honestly told him that my guitar skill is pretty poor. He proceeded to tell me that it is not true and that I'm truly musical. I was really hoping he will not sit next to me! But I was completely ignored, again! He sat right next to me and started talking. Sharing with me with such enthusiasm about the love of music and his spiritual search. He was an American Hindu! We started talking about worship and very soon I was so absorbed into the conversation I had to check myself from talking too much. I could not believe the words that came out of my mouth. I never thought about worship like that less to explore it with such clarity. I was distinctly aware of another person in this conversation and apparently He wanted to teach us both about the meaning of worship, the authority in the spirit realm and the very distinction of God Himself from all the "created beings". I don't know what got into me and for some time wondering if I'm getting too intense again. But whatever it is he is responding to the message and proceeded to tell me the moments when he really felt God. I started imagine all the things I read about in the books - the spirit of God hits him and him weeping and falling to the floor... Nothing like that happened. I was so disappointed!

Then I got off the bus and realized that the train had stopped running so I'd have to get a ride to Auntie Mim's place. After a bit of negotiation I got into this taxi with an African driver. Again I did not want to say anything at all until he persistently asked me what I was doing. The truth is I have not idea what I am doing. I told him that I followed God and travel everywhere. Because he was a Muslim, we started talking about Islam. He was shocked that I knew anything at all about Islam, then asked me why I'm not a Muslim. Why would I ever want to be a Muslim, Jesus is infinitely better than Islam. All you've got to do is get to know Him! He became wide-eyed and almost awed, "you are one of those God people! you know God! oh yes, I know what you are doing now. You know God!" Sometimes I wish I got(or at least remembers) the revelation this guy is somehow getting.

Do you know that God lives in the very inside of us? And He just longs to beam out of us and say hello to the world.

The rest.

Ever since this past weekend of prophetic intercession for America. It seems the Lord is taking me to a different place. a place of rest. can't explain what happened, but all the thoughts of still trying to work and finding places and figuring out what to do here has just temporarily went out the window. I'm at a place of rest, finally. =)

Now I spent all day in quietness, praying, in solitude. Being alone with Him feels really satisfying.

might be leaving for Philly tomorrow. Heading out from NYC for a bit of retreat. Yes, shut me in a cave somewhere!

compelled by love

Reading this book "Tea with Hezbollah" by 2 daring brothers journeying through the middle east in search of responses to the greatest teaching ever given... "but I tell you, love thy enemies and pray for them..". The journey would take them through a war-torn Lebanon to the homes of Muftis, Sheiks, Hezbollah fighters, Hamas and other enemies of state just to shed light on the responses to this most controversial teaching - the very same teaching that brought Jesus to the cross!

Yesterday as I was reading how a phrase the co-author heard on a park bench, "you will love the Arabs" brought him and his wife with 2 young kids to Beirut in the middle of war, I started crying. we have been asking the Lord to speak to us about what we are supposed to be doing here in NYC, where we too are surrounded by Muslims of all origins. What the heck are we doing here?! where are we going? what in the world... In the past days I have been fighting the urge to justify my existence in the very familiar ways of career, marriage, ministry, connections, visions, building His Kingdom one brick at a time... but wait, His Kingdom is not built, it is given, revealed, manifested, accepted, stepped into, by faith, through LOVE. I haven't felt a desire for anything like this in a long time. I'm desperate for a change, of heart.

In the afternoon we ran across the message at Time Square Church, with a preacher from Alabama. He spoke on Job 29. The very passage that spoke about loving the poor, caring for the widows and orphans. And the JOY of the Lord rests on those who will give themselves away. I started to fantasize living in the worst neighborhood and living humbly to serve the people around me. maybe I will live on the streets...hmm, does that mean I will have to cut my hair, get new sets of ragged cloth. I don't know, whatever it takes. Thoughts of grandeur flying across my mind. Then came the voice of my more down-to-earth and get-to-business friend, "should we go prayer walk the neighborhood East Harlem and see what the Lord would have for us?" days ago, the Lord has given him a vision for East harlem - the infamous Spanish Harlem David Wilkerson had frequented in his days. I would love to tell you that I jumped at the suggestion, but thoughts of the poor did not excite me. I'm sorry to report, my heart is very cold and unwilling, my flesh is very weak. But I have made this decision in my heart. I will live love the poor as my Jesus has called me to, and in the process of it I will experience His love like I never experience it before. and little by little He will have my heart, and more and more I will learn to love. until the day when I can give my life away for the worse of my enemies.

Looking for an apartment in East Harlem. some of friends of ours are aparently looking for places to stay also. who knows, we may have a full house before we even find the house! =)

Waiting on the Lord

When the presence of the Lord come near, do you ask, "speak, for your servant is listening"?, do you say, "come near and dwell with me Lord"? I felt a rise of anxiety in my heart, a contention to be productive, to keep it going. but the Lord says, lay down and stay with me a while, because I am who I AM.

The beginning...

A friend of mine just suggested that I start a blog kinda thing. Have never thought about how this could be better than the good old email. Let's give it a try. who knows, might motivate me to write more.